Well, still sad but feeling a little better

Posted: August 5, 2004 in Uncategorized

Well, I finished moving out. I guess you could say it was the end of an era today. I had a complete and total mental breakdown, and now all I need is me.

I still have my job, and thats good, even though they do treat me like crap.

I’m still having really mixed emotions, but my mood is quickly stabalizing. I realize now that someday me and that really good friend of mine will cross paths again. Who knows maybe even the second time around we will have an even better friendship. That is not really what is motivating me right now. What is motivating me right now is to start thinking about myself and where I am going in life. Sure my friend did alot for me, more than anyone could ask. She was always so unselfish, and maybe that was part of the downfall of our friendship. Maybe she is out there reading this right now, its really tough to say.

I cant say that Im not still sad that I chased her away, but I cant continue to let it eat me up inside. I failed her, and I failed myself even more. I lost my independence, but did I ever really have it to begin with?

I’m sure as time goes on, it will get easier to deal with what happened, but I still tear up inside every time I look at the things I have now because SHE cared sooo much, and I returned the favor by treating her poorly as of late. Maybe someday we can both look back at this and laugh I just cant believe I didnt pick up on my own breakdown sooner, and that it took a rather wise call to the crisis center to make me realize that I was simply falling apart at the seams on Tuesday, and to some degree, Wednesday..

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