Romantic Relationships — A Rant

Posted: December 22, 2006 in Personal

I should probably preface this as being my own observation.  There is no alternative motive here, just an honest attempt at knowing people a little better.

Over the past 10 years or so, I have been in several relationships, both romantic and friendships, and I have made a few observations.  Every woman I have met has always claimed to want a nice guy, someone who will treat them right and be there for them through thick and through thin.  I do not regret any relationship, past or present, and I am perfectly content in the fact that I do not currently have a girlfriend, and I am also content in the fact that I have several women friends, who I am not romantically involved with.

With that said, I do have a few things I would like to point out.  I have been in 3-4 serious romantic relationships in my lifetime, all with women telling me how they want a nice guy.  I would like to think that I fit that bill.  I am dedicated, supportive, and generally concerned with the well being of every friend I have, and especialy the romantic relationships I have been in.  Read more after the jump…

The first relationship I was involved with someone who was considerably shorter than I was.  After we dated for a few months, she left me for an older guy, who, might I add was married.  Granted, she and I were both 18, so people don’t always make the best choices in those circumstances. 

The second relationship was very short lived.  The girl was pregnant with a child (not mine, don’t worry dad!) and while we hit it off, I think she was looking for someone different.  Again, I was nice, supportive, etc etc etc.

The third relationship I had was with a girl by the name of Brandi.  She had gotten out of a relationship with someone who was emotionally and physically abusive, and we dated for around six months.  She said she wanted to take it slow, so I didn’t really make any moves.  She also had a child, but her ex had full custody.  The details are a bit shady as to why.  We got very close, but nothing really ever happened, so I am making the observation that “taking it slow” means the woman needs you around for emotional and financial support and has no intention of sleeping with you.  I should probably mention that she slept with her ex several times during our relationship, and lied to me about it as well.  She broke it off, and went back to her ex, who I’m sure was still emotionally and physically abusive.

Now, in my lifetime I have also had many friends, most of whom I still have to this day, some of whom are women, and a select few of those I am very close to.  The three women I am currently friends with were very clear and upfront with me about only looking for and wanting friends, and I am totally cool with that.  But here’s where things change a bit.

The first girl that I am currently friends with has had quite a few partners in her time.  By quite a few, I mean that even I lost count, but lets just put the number up in the 40s for now.  This girl always told me that someday I would make someone very happy, and that I was what every girl (except for her) was looking for.  But actions, I feel, speak louder than words.  Every guy she has ever dated has been either physically or emotionally abusive.  Every guy has ended up being an asshole, cheating on her, leaving her and her kids, leaving her at the alter (yeah you heard me right, its not just for movies anymore) and this last one leaving her at a womens shelter.  These guys didn’t seem to really care about her, but thats my observation.

The second girl and I have been friends for over 5 years, and there were intentions early on to take that to the next level, but it didn’t work out.  She is married to someone whom is physically and emotionally abusive, but they are currently split up.  He has cheated on her several times during their marriage, and refuses to quit speaking to a woman who has addmitedly tried to ruin their marriage.  She still loves him, but who knows. 

The third woman, whom I won’t go into too much details, has had a husband who has been a tad flakey.  The marriage was on again off again several times, and they are currently divorced.  She still loves him alot, and who really knows what the future brings.  This one I feel particularly bad for, because she is a total sweetheart, and even as a friend, would be willing to do pretty much anything for me to see me succeed.  She has, and continues, to be there for me in times of need, and even opened her house to me when I had no other place to go for a few weeks.

But, lets not just pick on women here (I’m not, I’m really just confused as to what women REALLY want vs what they SAY they want) I’ve got some choice guy friends as well.  The first, who is now married, has been emotionally and physically abusive towards every girlfriend he has ever had.  He has cheated on his girlfriends, admitted it, and still managed to salvage the relationship.

The second is also married, but has also cheated on his wife.  Not much more is known about this situation.

The third, who is gay, has only had one serious relationship in the 3+ years I have known him.  His boyfriend was very abusive towards him emotionally, but is still the only love he has ever had. 

So basically, what I’m saying here, is that from MY observation, women say they want a nice guy, when in reality they want someone to treat them like garbage.  Made some of you women out there think about hunting down my DNS to give me a beatdown, didn’t it?  Well, I really can only go by actions.  It seems to me that guys who cheat on you, or cheat on their wives, or who would cheat on their wives if given the opprotunity, are held with a higher regard than people like me.  Why?  Like I said, I’m dedicated.  I don’t use the “love” word often, because when I say it, I want it to MEAN something.  When I say I love someone, I want to really LOVE someone, and not just say it to get some action.  I would devote my life to any women who managed to steal my heart, no questions asked, and unconditionally.  I’m not perfect, but I’m certainly not emotionally abusive, and I could never physically harm another human being who was not putting someone I cared about in danger.

But alas, men who would lie, cheat, and sometimes literally steal, are higher in the ranks than I am.  Perhaps I am such a minority that women wouldn’t know how to deal with me, I dunno.  And while I’m no Brad Pit, I’d like to think that I look at least half way decent.  Besides, I thought it wasn’t supposed to be about looks, another half truth perhaps?

So let me get this straight in my head:

  • Women (and perhaps people in general) want a guy who will treat them like crap
  • Women prefer men who would cheat on them
  • Women prefer men who would lie to them
  • Women prefer men who are not always going to stick by their side
  • Women can justify this by saying on the off chance the guys in their lives actually DO something nice that it is “because he loves me” (again, can’t leave guys out of this one too)
  • Women in general do not like sensative, caring men

Once again, I must say that this post is not made in anger.  I’m sorry if anyone takes this as anger or bitterness.  I’m honestly just really confused how all those qualities and all those men rank higher than men like me.  Perhaps I haven’t seen enough of the world?  And again, this post isn’t really directed at anyone in particular, just my own observations.  I’m sure there are exceptions to the rule, but then again I think most of you have heard the adage “Nice guys finish last”. 

Well here’s a nice guy that would rather finish last than turn into an asshole.


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