Well, I had that conversation I was going to….

Posted: December 28, 2006 in Friends

So, I told Sara that I loved her, but didn’t want that to have a negative effect on our friendship.  I told her over the phone, although I would have rather told her in person.

Basically she said she was flattered, although surprised it didn’t happen sooner.  She doesn’t feel the same way about it, and I didn’t think she would so its not a surprise either.  She said it wouldn’t change anything, and thats cool.  I’d rather be friends than nothing at all.

So, now I know that it could never happen, and I’m OK with that.  I’d rather be honest with her, and myself, about how I feel than try to deny it, and cause more friction between us.  I really believe that is what caused the tension before.  You put enough lies in a pot, and eventually its bound to boil over, even if the lie is based on denial.

And I mean, I’ve never really been in love before, so now I understand it better.  Women don’t want assholes, they just fall in love with guys that turn out that way.  And once you have love, you’d rather deal with 1000 bad nights with the promise of a good one than to lose the love of your ilfe.  I finally understand, and while it hurts a bit (nobody ever said love would be easy, did they?) I do feel much better knowing than living in denial.  It will never happen, but its better to deal with that than it is to not have confronted it at all.  And at least now I know the truth, which I probably secretly knew all along, and didn’t want to confront it.

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