The end…

Posted: July 11, 2007 in Uncategorized

I just can’t deal with this anymore.  I have to end it.  Not to say you weren’t a good friend, and not to say I didn’t need you in my life or want you in it, but I just can’t deal with this anymore.

No matter what I do, I can’t make you happy.  I try and try.  But in taking responsibility for what happened, I can’t continue to live knowing that imaginary standards aren’t being met.  I was not dependent on you, and I can cook up meat, I just am used to draining it a different way than the tools I had at my disposal.  I am a great cook, I just need to start doing it again so I can remember how.  If you don’t use it you lose it.

I tried to do everything I could to help you.  I was there when the whole world was shitting on you, but then you shit on me.  Maybe someday you can put yourself in my shoes.  I couldn’t have been dependent on you, because you weren’t doing anything for me, which is understandable.  I got attached to your dog because that’s the kind of person I am, caring, loving, and overall someone who really tries to please.

But I can’t live life waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Your afraid that I would have hated you for standing up for yourself, but I wouldn’t have.  I was afraid that if I stood up for myself that you would hate me, and I could be right who knows. 

At this point, it doesn’t matter anymore.  I have plenty of friends who have reminded me that I don’t have to live life waiting for the other shoe to drop.  But you were always more important than they were.  Thats what made this decision so hard to come to.  The two years you were gone, I felt something was missing from my life.  It tears me apart knowing that it will once again be missing.  Never again will I see that wonderful smile, never again will I get the opprotunity to make you happy.

I LOVED you.  Still do love you with all my heart, even though I knew I never had a shot.  I am so proud of your new house, that your actually making strides.  But the fact that I love you and care so much is the same reason I have to say goodbye.  Its not healthy for me to love someone who never meets your standards, both as a potential dater, and as a friend.

It’s gonna take me MONTHS to heal from this.  I will miss you more than words can say.  And I know I will spend the rest of my life defending you to my friends when your name comes up, but I still love you.  God if you only knew hoe much I loved you.

Goodbye, and good luck.

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